She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
