matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
