i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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