I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
