ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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