you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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