it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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