well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
