You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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