So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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