her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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