I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My dick has a subreddit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
