the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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