is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
