doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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