Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
