u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
