I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
