you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
