somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
