wanna go halves on a baby?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize