I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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