i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
