Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can I color on your dick again?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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