So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
