YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
