haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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