Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
