Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
