dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
