It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
