I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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