Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
