literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ruined the universe
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
