Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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