You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
