New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
