I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
