thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
