I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
