forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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