There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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