i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
