Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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