Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
