Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
