It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
