do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
