soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
