I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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