Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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