I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
