Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
