If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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