tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
