the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
