i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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