Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
