dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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