He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
