Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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