Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
