Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
