I wannas sexs uuuuu
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
