I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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