Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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