i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
