i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
