Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
