Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
