well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
